Here is the deal...I love to write.  Ask my family...since I could, I have been writing.  Its inspiring (to me), cathartic, encouraging, and lots of other stuff. And last night my husband said...you should start writing again...just start.

I have been wanting to write this for a long time.  To take my thoughts and Gods stories in my life from my head to my heart to this page.

But, see I have this all too familiar perfectionist thing,

"I wanna do it right like this girl or that girl".  Yes, I can be insecure.

"How do I start when some people wont know or get me or what I am talking about because they dont know 'the whole story' ".   Yes, I over think sometimes and its paralyzing.

I wanna make this really cute, inspiring, funny, full storied picture before I begin writing.  But wanting to do that has felt daunting...how do I sum up my journey from the last...oh 15 years or so (of my 34) in a really "whimsical", "inspired" way that will give readers a real picture of who we are.  Of who I am.  I can't.  So I am not gonna try.  I am just gonna start writing and my story, the story of my journey and the realization that I am a daughter of the King of Kings, and what that really means will unfold in my ramblings.  You will meet my people as they come up...they are awesome people that cannot be contained in a summary.  :)

so..here is who I am to the world:

I am a daughter - to a Mom who passed away when I was 20 from cancer.  To a Dad who lives in a different state and doesnt know me or my children.  He has chosen to not be a part of my life for the last 6 years.  The years before were sometimes rocky, sometimes fun, and very shaping.  I try to not throw out the good with the hard...there was a lot of hard.  My parents were married until my Mom died.  I love my Mom and Dad very much.

I am a sister - I have 2 of them and they are pretty awesome.  They love me and I love them and they are the only family my little family knows.  Its sweet!

I am a wife - this is one of my favorites.  I dont know how we got here...yes I do...Gods grace.  I ADORE my husband!  He is amazing.  And Strong.  And wise.  And funny. And patient.  And handsome.  And an OVER THE TOP precious Dad.  And smart.  And loves me...well.  And teaches me and knows all sides of me...and still loves me.  I am blessed!  He loves people who are hurting and loves Jesus.  He believes what Jesus says is true and that makes me trust him so very much.  He wants to lead our family and does it well.  With patience and grace.  He is quiet and simple.  He sees things in black and white.  Things are mostly clear cut to him.  He has become a good communicator and I have learned I need to communicate less :-)  He is awesomeness...

I am a Mom - this too is a role I cherish.  It feels like very Holy Ground.  I have 4 babes.  They are all so different and so wonderful...in short, here they are...

Matthew Josiah - oldest.  Amazing.  Tender.  Adopted domestically.  made me a Mom which makes him so special to me.  Fun.  6 years old.  Adores everything his Dad does.  Still sort of a Momma's boy.  Shy.  Introverted.  Adores his siblings.  Passionate - feels very deeply.  truthful.

Anna Faith - second into the family through biology.  Our first girl.  My first pregnancy.  FULL of life. hilarious.  has an edge (or two) of attitude.  Wonderfully strong.  Maternal.  Big faith. Loves to talk about - everything!  Smart. Whimsical.  Independent.  4 years old

Knox Manning - 3rd to the family.  Adopted through the Foster Care system when he was 1.  Sweet.  Tender. Emotional.  Working hard to "catch up"  from a hard first few years (pre-adoption and some early medical issues).  healthy now!  Has refined me.  Cuddler. Really funny.  Life has not always been kind to him.  Praying he will grow into an OVERCOMER!  I long to be his most safe place where peace reigns.  Adore him.  4 years old

Ellis Elizabeth - the precious 4th (and final) Garrison.   She is a tiny little slice of Gods Shalom.  Seriously.  Peaceful and content is who she is.  She is ADORED by the other 3.  I have never seen anything like it.  They want to eat her up - literally.  She is joyful.  Content.  Sweet. Helpless. Precious.

...and right now, she is crying in her crib.  So, thats it for today.

I want this place to be a journal of my journey...a place my kids, other Moms, other women, other girls can read and maybe just maybe be pointed to the face of Jesus.  To their Father.  A place where I am reminded how big and grand it is that Jesus took and takes me by the hand and said and says "Daughter, Arise..."  I am a daughter to The King...and that really changes everything.  The title of this little spot of ramblings is from my very favorite scripture in the book of Mark where Jesus takes a young girl by the hand and says to her "talitha cumi" which means, "little girl, arise".  When I was a young girl, in a very tangible way, Jesus took me by the hand and said the very same thing.  And so often in my lowest and highest times of my journey, the Lord takes me back to the story of that little girl.  To the story of me...and Him together.  I hear him speak the phrase over and over in my heart, 'Daughter, Arise..."  Arise into life.  Arise into Freedom.  Arise into truth.  Arise into Me.  Arise.